One year ago, on a perfect Friday morning just before noon, she was born. Dark hair, chubby cheeks and dimples...she had my heart long before she made her appearance. It was just shy of 23 hours later when her birth mom decided to parent her and we left the hospital empty handed. Watching our social worker confirm our worst fears was horrible. It was painful to tell our family and friends, to have to say the words aloud. Words we didn't even truly believe yet. In that moment, our lives had changed and yet, they stayed exactly the same…childless. All of the plans and dreams we had, not only for that summer but for our future with her, were thrown out the window and we were left to face an empty nursery. To go back to how things were. We were back to waiting.
We can’t help but wonder what our lives would have been like if things had turned out differently. We’d be celebrating this weekend. Today is her first birthday and I wonder how she is being celebrated. Are there presents and cupcakes? Is there family and friends gathered around? Is it just her mom and her sister blowing out the candles? We know she is loved. We know she is cared for. But how is she being celebrated?
I've resisted the urge for this year to email the birth mom. To look her up on Facebook or Google. To inquire about what she named the baby. To see how she is doing. I can’t help but wonder what she looks like. But I know my heart cannot handle what it would mean to see her.
It has been a year.


And for that and for you, we are grateful.
It has been a year. And we are hopeful.
Photos by KAS Images.