It's A Girl!

We met with "our" birth mom, Courtney, on January 30th. I was a nervous wreck all week, never mind almost not being able to function on the actual day. This wasn't a "regular" meeting, this was a meeting that would potentially alter our lives as we knew it.

We went back and forth between..

"Oh gosh, what if she picks us" and "oh gosh, what if she doesn't pick us". We couldn't imagine our lives with either scenario.

We met with Courtney at the agency. It was awkward and uncomfortable and scary. She was intense with lots of questions for us, putting us on the hot seat. She watched us. Studied our moves and how we interacted. She even told the social worker after the meeting, that she liked the way we watched each other as we talked, that I seemed more reserved and less confident, that she liked that Mick was emotional and she could tell he wanted to be a dad. As there was some question as to the race of the baby, she was even concerned that we lacked African American friends!  We had no concerns about her family history, medical history or past. She seemed like the perfect fit for us, perfect on paper and the best case scenario. After 2 hours of questions and answers and getting a feel for each other, she told the social worker that she didn't need to think about it, we were the couple.

And just like that...my mind and heart were racing. There was very little emotion involved. No hugs, no tears...just pure shock. We exchanged emails and went on our way.

Oh my gosh. We were having a baby girl. I was over the moon. We couldn't believe and even talked about how the timing was perfect. My parents were coming into town from Manitoba that weekend for my grandpa's birthday and we couldn't wait to share our news. They were completely in the dark...we didn't even mention to them that we were matched or had a meeting with a potential birth mom. The saddest part for me about not have a traditional pregnancy was that there was a loss of "excitement" and a big announcement. Everything was so logical and paper-based. I wanted to share this news and not in an email or phone call. Only in-person would do!

Mick and I had to pick up our dog from his parents house. We knew that there was NO WAY we could see them and not share. So we called them and asked them to meet us for coffee at his brothers house. Then we called his brother to say we were bored and wanted to come for coffee. We knew that they figured something was up but I wasn't going to give in before we saw them in person. We made a quick stop to Babies R Us and bought 2 small pink frames that announced:

It's A Girl!

Our families were obviously excited and over the moon for us. My mom, I think, was in the most shock as she didn't understand the "announcement" when she opened up the frame. She had to be told what it meant by my brother's fiance even after reading aloud the frame and the note that said "due May 2013". she just looked and stared and repeating it! There were many tears and hugs and celebratory drinks. We couldn't believe that in 3 months, our lives would be completely different.

We couldn't wait.

"We've Been Matched!"

We are sorry for the lack of posting lately. As most of you are aware, our life was turned upside down in the past few weeks. We started this blog as a way of not only updating our family and friends on our process but also as a record of our journey to build our family with adoption. We hope to one day show it to our children.  Please forgive us for backing up a few months to fill in the gaps...

3 words, 3 simple words that changed our lives for both good and bad, but 3 words none the less.

January 23rd 2013 seemed like any other day, we got up, we went to work and we did what we would normally do on a Wednesday. Everything seemed normal. We had just checked in with the adoption agency and found out that we were number 34 on the wait list and that our profile was out with a 2 birth moms, but the thought never crossed our minds that, at 34 on the list, we would be picked.
Let me quick give you a little background on the adoption process. When we first started and even before we were placed on the wait list we had to do a home study with a social worker from the agency. We knew that the home study had to be "updated" every year that we were on the list. We also knew that we would be having to do the "update" at anytime as it was coming up on a year.

So when I missed a call from an agency social worker, I didn't really think anything of it. I thought, "oh it's about time so they are probably calling to set something up for the update". Now when she also tried calling me on my work phone and left a message saying they would also be trying Crystal at work, then I started to panic a little bit. So I try calling her back and I get no answer, and its about to go to her voice mail when I get an email from Crystal: "Stop calling her, I am talking to her." My first thought was, well that was rude and my second thought was, who are you talking to? And how do you know I am calling someone?. So about 10 minutes later I get a phone call from Crystal asking if I was ok to talk right now, being the end of the day there wasn't a lot of people in the business centre so of course I could talk. Then Crystal said 3 words that almost made my heart stop...

"We've been matched."

I say's pardon? Crystal says that a birth mom has picked us and would like to meet us... I couldn't believe it, it was as if someone had punch me and taken all the wind out of my lungs. After all this planning and waiting and wondering if we would be ever be matched, here is the women I love telling me that a birth mom has chosen to meet us. I was beside myself, my face I am sure went flush, I started shaking, I was excited and nervous and scared all at once... But then Crystal tells me that she has chosen 2 couples ('BAM' knock out punch) but she would like to meet us first (he's up and ref doesn't make the 10 count). But before we meet her, we need to meet with the social worker to find out about the birth mom and make sure we feel she will be a good fit. Meeting set to meet social worker for January 24th at 9:30am. Holy crap how am I going to sleep now???

Little sleep was had, but that post may have to wait...

Until Next Time!!!

There's No Crying in Baseball...

One of the most iconic lines from one of the greatest baseball movies ever made... If you aren't sure what I am talking about please have a look at the video from the movie A League of their Own starring Tom Hanks and Geena Davis. Great movie! Now I am not here to review the movie but just use the line as a title for this blog post. Also the line "There's No Crying In Baseball." holds special meaning to me and my ball team... Right Jathina?

Baseball, there really is nothing better than getting to the field, lacing up your cleats, putting on your glove and heading out on to the field like a warrior hell bent on world domination... Well at least that's how I approach each game... Well that and to see who can drink the most beers while doing it. Being the captain of a beer league slow pitch team I am often faced with such decisions as, Who should bat where?, Will Tyler ever hit the cutoff man?, Will Doug ever make a catch in center? Is Dave too drunk to play?, Am I too drunk to play?, Is my whole team too drunk to play? If I have to ask the last question too many times, then I guess we are having a good time. And let's be honest having a good time is probably the best part of playing ball.

Well April 28th brings back the 3rd year of existence for the greatest sub-par team in the NSA Sunday Night East Division, Where My Pitches At? Ha, still makes me laugh saying that name. Where My Pitches At? or WMPA was a brain child I had while trying to find a league in which we could still have fun but be a little competitive as well. NSA seemed to be the perfect league for us. We may not be the best team out there, our record for the last 2 years is 13 - 26 - 1, but at least we go out and have fun doing it. One thing our team lacks is speed, while a lot of the teams we play have more Speedy Gonzales on their team, we have more Slowpoke Rodriguez's on ours...

I am still looking forward to one day getting ejected by the umpire, either when I am coaching or playing slowpitch... I assume that if that were to ever happen I would probably react like this guy...

  

This last sentence is mostly to see who from WMPA actually reads this blog... If we have a winning season this year, I will personally write a song about WMPA to the tune of The Simpsons Slowpitch Song from the episode Homer at the Bat. Just in case you don't know the song here is it.

Until Next Time...

Our Road to Adoption

When people hear we are adopting, they automatically assume it is because of infertility. Heck, even the adoption course we took as part of the application process, assumed that that was the primary reason as to why we were adopting.

While infertility is part of the reason, it isn't the WHOLE reason. Adoption is not our last resort, our final chance or our hail mary pass to build a family. It was our choice.

I was diagnosed with primary infertility at age 21. It wasn't a shock and no tears where shed at that time for what most people deem a "loss" or a "tragedy" for a woman. It didn't really affect me until it affected someone else...namely Mick.  I cried as I told him as I knew children were important to him. It was better for me to be up front and honest very early (like 3 dates!) into the relationship so he could run for the hills if he wanted. Luckily for me, he didn't and has been supportive since that awkward conversation.

I'm a huge fan of awkward conversations. Obviously.

We talked about our options from then on and adoption was something we were both interested in pursuing one day if our relationship came to that.  Even prior to Mick and before my diagnosis, I had realized that I was very interested in international, specifically African, adoption. That should come to no surprise to most of you! Mick had also pondered adoption prior to meeting me.

We moved to BC and thought, at the time, that BC would be where we stayed. We saw a fertility specialist there who told us our options after a battery of tests, which if childbirth is even twice as painful, I'm counting my blessings! We didn't like our options but at least we had some. We moved back to Calgary and saw specialists here, who told us the same news and same statistics.

I think we both knew after leaving the fertility clinic, that biological children would not be in our future. I don't even remember a serious conversation about looking into our fertility options. The cost, the less than 40% success rate, the stress every month, every cycle, every pee on  stick,...it wasn't worth it and we realized that having a biological child wasn't that important to us, that we wouldn't be willing to take the gamble. We could have saved and scrimped and begged the bank for a loan to pursue this. We could have made intimate requests of friends and family, we could have crossed our fingers and toes and prayed every night for a successful outcome and we might have gotten it, but being pregnant was not something I had to experience. It may sound strange, but I never really had a desire to experience pregnancy, so adoption made the most sense.

We never had a sit down conversation about when we would start the process, we just...started. After we bought a house, the timing felt right. We met with an agency, which we found after I did a google search and liked their website best. We got some information. We attended a foster/government adoption class. We discussed if we wanted our first child to be an international adoption. We selected domestic for our first kidlet and we jumped right in. Forms, payment, more forms, more money...and we were on our way.

Adoption was our choice. I don't feel the need to have to justify it to people who don't understand why we'd choose to parent "someone else's baby".  It isn't someone else's baby, it is MY baby and how he/she came to our family, is irrelevant. And yet, people assume that just because we chose to not undergo fertility treatment, that I'm sad with our choice, that it is our last resort.

Am I sad over not delivering a baby? Sometimes. But it isn't so much the biological part, but the experience part. I cried when I found out that I was going to be an aunt (both times!). I wasn't sure that we would ever get to do a big "We're Expecting!" announcement for family as adoptions generally don't allow you that kind of time. I cried bawled when we were on our way to hold my niece for the first time. I wasn't sure that I would ever hold my own 2 day old baby, that I would ever experience a newborn like that. Those emotions are still there. But I definitely don't cry over how we chose to build our family or the hand that was dealt to me. There is no pity party, so please don't feel sorry for us.

We chose adoption and we feel, in some ways, that adoption chose us. Our process and waiting as been smooth and drama free and heck...if I don't have to push out a Boisselle head, that is a plus in my book!

Spread the Word to End the Word

I know a lot of people use their blogs as a political outlet for spewing their beliefs in a matter of getting their points across. I never thought that this would be the way that we would use this blog, but I feel that this is one of those things that I can't help but write about. March 6th 2013 is the international day for the movement "Spread the Word to End the Word". The words in question are Retard or Retarded. Being involved in Special Olympics for 10+ years as a coach I have been able to see first hand the effect that this word has on people and the ignorance there is in the world surrounding it.

I can honestly say that I wasn't always one to help advocate for such a cause. In fact I was looking back through some old year books and noticed that in Junior High School (I believe grade 9) my favorite quote at the time was "Mental Retard". When I read this now I cringe and think about how uneducated I was. Of course some could argue that I was in Junior High and that I really didn't know better but that's no excuse. When I think about how many times I used that simple phrase when I was younger, I can only imagine the impact that it may have had on someone who was a little "different" then the rest of us. Did me saying those words lead to someone hating themselves? Did those 2 words have such an effect on someone that they stopped caring about anything and shunned themselves from the world? Even as I write this the thought of this possibility brings tears to my eyes as it was never my intention but it very well could have happened.

This brings me to today and all the ways I have heard these words being used... "That party was retarded" or "You are a retard" or just referring to everyday things that may be unbelievable or ridiculous as "retarded". Come on people we are all well educated, is there no word out there that we can use instead of the R-word in these situations? In fact I am pretty sure I just gave you 2. Words can be powerful things and with computers, social media and ever changing technology words such as "retard" or "retarded" seem to live a whole new life and meaning so why cant we seem to stop using a word that has so many negative connotations? We have done it with so many other words but this one seems to stay around.

Now I know what you are thinking "but what can I do?" Simple answer, stop using those words in your everyday conversation and bring attention to those that do use it and hopefully one by one people will stop using these words. Even if you are able to only change one person's perspective on using these words it will be a win because hopefully they can change one person as well... One of my most proudest moments came from my wife. About a year and a half ago she started a new job where these words were being used prolifically. Now most of her exposure to people with intellectual disabilities has been because of me so she really didn't have to stand up to it, but she did. She sent out an email to all her new co-workers and brought to their attention their use of these words. She got mixed responses but most positive and thanking her for saying something. It took a lot for her to reach out like this but that simple email has made a difference in her workplace.

I have seen the downside to this word but I have also seen what people with intellectual disabilities can do and the difference they make in peoples lives everyday. I would almost go as far to say that they changed my life. If I had never started volunteering with Special Olympics when I was 15, if I had never met some of those amazing people then I am sure I would be seeing the world in a whole different light. People often say that it must have felt good going and helping "those" people at Special Olympics and I would agree that yeah I loved helping all my friends and it felt good. But I didn't help them, they helped me. We're More Alike Than Different!

If you would like more information please go to www.r-word.org and if you feel so inclined take the pledge to end the Word.

I pledge and support the elimination of the derogatory use of the r-word from everyday speech and promote the acceptance and inclusion of people with intellectual disabilities.

I've taken my pledge, will you?

Until Next Time!

One Year Ago!!!

Wow, hard to believe that it has been a year already that we have officially been on the wait list for adoption... Seems like just months ago we were planning on finishing up the last things before submitting our profiles and officially being put on the wait list. Crazy how quickly time flies. While I sit here and write this I think back to what this past year has brought us and can't help but smile, cry and laugh at some of the great memories of the past year.

February not only started us on the path to adoption as we finally were placed on the wait list but it also brought sadness to our family with the passing of Crystal's grandpa. The same week that we were saddened by this loss we were over joyed with the final step in the adoption process and finally being put on the wait list. It's crazy how one week can bring so much joy and sorrow.

The next big thing that happened was Scotland... Crystal's best friend Carmen was living in Scotland for a year and so we decided to pack our bags and go for a visit...NBD! Scotland was amazing and I would suggest to anyone that is thinking about going to go... The history in that country and the architecture that is still standing from 3 or 4 hundred years ago is incredible. We took a tour around Edinburgh and I remember the tour guide showing us a building and saying "now this is the new part of Edinburgh, most of it was built in the 1700's." I thought to myself (and most likely to Crystal) 'Damn, the 1700's is new? I think the oldest thing in Canada is the Banff Springs Hotel which was built in the late 1800's.' So their "new" stuff is still older then our old stuff. Amazing history there.... The only downside was the rain. So much rain...

Crystal and I in Scotland.

St Giles' Cathedral - Edinburgh

The summer also brought a whole new look to our backyard. We have lived in our house for just about 2 years now and we have finally got working on the backyard to get it all ready for fun in the sun type events. One of the many changes we made was digging up the old patio and getting Crystal's cousin Tyler to lay us a whole new patio... It turned out great, a little slippery, but still great. If you are interested in hiring them for any sort of concrete job, I would highly recommend them, the company's name is Tekton and you can check out their website here...
http://tektonsurfaces.vpweb.ca/default.html (Tyler if you get any referrals from people who found you on our website, I want a cut)

Before

After

Here are the before and after of our patio...











We also built a new shed (with the help of my dad) and a wonderful bar (with the help of a couple of friends). So many margarita's were consumed on this patio from the bar and so I would declare the summer of 2012 a complete success... The rest of the summer was spent playing slow pitch and simply just hanging out. Our backyard is finally getting to a place where we want to spend a lot of evenings out on the patio and believe me a lot of time was spent there...

At the beginning of October Crystal and I went to the wonderful world of LAS VEGAS!!! Vegas was experiencing higher then normal temperatures so this trip was all about laying by the pool with some delicious drinks in hand. Well ok that's not the only thing we did, but we did a lot of it. One of the best shows we went to on this trip was the Jabbawockeez, they were amazing. I would highly recommend anyone that likes dancing to check them out.


I suppose that brings us closer to the end of our journey through the past year... Crystal and I have experienced joy, sorrow and lots of sore backs and calloused hands in the past year but our house and our lives are coming together... Soon we will be ready to take on the next chapter of our life... Hopefully anyway.


Until next time!

Cakes

I have been on a baking kick lately, in that I love to bake cakes, just cakes...not cookies.  Actually, I love to decorate cakes...especially with buttercream. I love a good buttercream and am on the hunt for the perfect recipe. I could live without fondant or even royal icing but a creamy, smooth buttercream can make or break a cake. My husband is thrilled with this cake baking as he can eat the leftover buttercream straight out of the bowl, however, as a diabetic...having leftover cake and buttercream in the house is not good for my pancreas!

This past weekend, we celebrated my grandpa's 80th birthday. My parents made a whirlwind trip out from Manitoba and we spent Saturday afternoon with most of the family, eating, laughing, eating, talking and eating. Delish!

I offered to bake the cakes this year as it is good practice for my brother's wedding next year, in which they have asked me to make their wedding cake. This will be the second wedding cake I've done and I'm nervous but since I have over a year to practice, I'm sure I'll be practically a pro by then!

Baking the rounds. We did 4 different flavors and 9 rounds. 

Mixing the buttercream

Crumb coating the first cake

Smoothing the buttercream

I think I need a smaller tip

Finished!

Mmm...Vanilla & Red Velvet Rings with a white chocolate ganache and vanilla buttercream

Chocolate! 

My grandpa's birthday cake...the deer seemed fitting

Neapolitan with vanilla and strawberry mousse and chocolate buttercream

My mom enjoying her cake :) 

 Right now, this is just a fun hobby but we'll see where it goes. I was pretty excited to have signed up for a buttercream class through Chinook College but alas, it was cancelled last week as there was not enough people registered for it. So...I'll just keep practicing at home and maybe look into another course in the future. Maybe when life slows down a bit...HA!