As I sit here thinking about what to write for this blog post I feel
myself struggling to come up with things to talk about. I know when
Crystal and I started this blog almost 3 years ago, it was to keep
people informed about what we have been going through with our adoption
process and it was about our house reno's and what they are looking like
and we also had great aspirations to talk about just life in general.
But as more things happened this kind of fell to the waste side.
Now
that we are coming up on 3 years, 3 years, since we started this
adoption process it is hard to stay positive and motivated to keep this
blog updated. Crystal and I talk a lot about this blog and say we need
to update, we should really update it, someone should write something.
But as we talk we both know (or I assume we both know) that neither one
of us want to write an update because it won't be happy, it won't be
filled with the optimism or joy that it was filled with when we started,
it will be filled with stories about how despondent and discouraged we
are feeling about this process. How sad we are feeling.
So
for those that don't know us well and for those that only see us
through this blog let me enlighten you to our journey and why we have
become discouraged.
As you will already know from
reading this blog, Crystal and I had been matched and that mother
decided to parent her little girl (who by the way would be turning 2
this year). But we have dealt with that and we still don't blame the
mother, this was something that she chose for what she thought was best
for her and her family and we can not hold that against her. Fast
forward to 2014... Crystal and I get a call about another mother that
wanted to meet us. She was pregnant, due in about 6 weeks and really
liked our profile. So Crystal and I take a day off work and drive out to Brooks to meet with this mother. We hit it off, we found it
completely different than with the last birth mom. This one just felt
different, but somehow the exact same. A week before the due date this
birth mom was talking to Crystal over Facebook and told her she was
thinking of changing her mind. WHAT?, Can this be happening again? When
Crystal first told me I was devastated again. How can this happen to us?
Again? But here we were back to the point of feeling like we had been
punched in the stomach. Needless to say, she did end up choosing to
parent and Crystal and I went back on the wait list. There have been some other factors that have taking us to this path of discouragement, but things that don't really need to be talked about in a blog.
That
has been our journey. It has sucked. It has been hard. Nothing has come
easy. But that was our journey. Our journey has taken us to some
unbelievable highs to some indescribable lows but it has been our
journey.
One thing I have noticed a lot more recently
is that people don't ask us about the process anymore. And I think I
know why: Crystal and I have an odd way of dealing with this journey we
have been on. It is a mixture of humor and sarcasm and I think it makes
people uncomfortable and they don't really know what to say to us. So
they are afraid to ask because we make them feel uncomfortable. And I
think I am sorry about this but people have to understand that this is
us, those that know us know that we use humor and sarcasm as a way to
deal with difficult situations. I love talking about our journey, it is
hard yes, but it has been such a large part of who I am and how Crystal
and I have grown it is still something I love to share. So if you are
curious about something, ask.
I am not a pessimist at all. I always try and look on the bright side and live my life with a positive outlook, but this process is getting the best of me. I have always been the one saying that oh this is normal, we'll be chosen again soon. But now I am not sure...
There are some things that I am sure about though. Crystal and I still love each other. We will always be there for each other. This journey has brought us closer. Whatever happens we will go through it together. She is still my partner in this journey.
Someone once said: It's not about the destination, it's about the journey. And if this journey has taught us anything it is that the destination will be wonderful and I couldn't imagine taking it with anybody else. So maybe I am still an optimist at heart.
Until Next Time...
